I have been on a blogging hiatus I guess you could say. I have had a hard time lately wanting to blog about anything. Not that I'm that great at blogging anyways. I have been debating for a while a bout blogging about this very *touchy* subject. I think I just am going to get it off my chest...
Us not having any kids. It really bothers me when someone comes up and ask "so why don't you guys have kids yet...you've been married long enough" Excuse me? We have been married for a 1 1/2 yrs. How is that long enough? *I totally respect the couples that do have kids right off! Don't get me wrong. I think it is amazing to be able to do that. I don't think I could or would be strong enough too.* Jake and I are still figuring out each other (ha him more then me :) ) I wish I could put into words how in love with Jake I am. I WANT and need this time with him. When will it ever just be "us" again? We have plenty of years to enjoy our kids. And to Everyone who has/will call us selfish...I'll just say thanks again and again then go home too my beautiful husband and my quiet house.
I love kids. I don't want anyone to think that I don't. I LIVE for primary. Those kids keep me on my toes, make me laugh, smile and cry. That doesn't mean I want any YET. I am excited for my friends that are pregnant and my sister who just had (THE) most adorable baby boy I have ever seen. My niece has me wrapped around her little pinkie too. Doesn't mean I want kids yet.
About a month or so ago my relief society ask me to speak at an enrichment meeting about being "married with no kids" (we are the only couple in our ward without kids...lucky) at first I was frustrated because I thought "Great, I'm going to have to explain AGAIN to a bunch of people why Jake and I don't have kids yet" Then I realized....I don't have to explain myself to anyone, but then day after day I'm dealing with questions like "so your sister just had a baby that means you are next!" No it doesn't. Please just let me enjoy this time with my amazing husband without being badgered about kids. They will come when they come.
People can keep asking when we will have kids but don't expect a very civilized comment back. Sometimes I just want to say "how is it any of your business?? If I'm not mistaken this marriage doesn't involve you!" I guess it is the "Mormon way" who are you dating? are you going to get engaged? when are you going to get married? when are you going to have kids?
Jake and I are going to have kids when we do. I am not going to come home one day and say "Jake, this guy said that we should have kids by now..let's get too it" No. It will be between us(US!!!).
I don't want to offend anyone..but if I do I'm sorry. That wasn't the purpose of this post at all.
5.04.2009
I like Jake too much to share him.
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16 comments:
Molly,
You are right...it's nobody's business when you have kids! I know mine & Lincoln's situation is a little bit different, but we were talking the other day about how great it has been to just have it be the two of us for so long. It seemed to take us an extra long time to figure each other out and to get used to each other...I'd say a good two years. Not that things are perfect after that...but it doesn't take nearly as much effort now. Does that sound bad? Oh well...it's true! Just keep doing what you're doing. You guys will know when it's time to have kids...just ignore all those people who try to convert you to their ways! Ha ha. :)
Hey I am sorry I will stop teasing you. You know I was just teasing right? Once you have kids there is no going back so enjoy it while you can. Your time together will never be just you again. Even when those kids are gone and moved out you will always be wondering where they are and what they are doing. You will be a better mommy for waiting for the time when you and Jake are ready to take that big step because believe me its a huge step.I hope I never made you upset. I wont mention it again. I know it was a touchy subject with us too. Now we keep getting asked when we will be popping out the next one. Lets do lunch soon. Its been awhile.
MOlly Kay you are my hero.... Thank you thank you thank you! Somebody actually understands me... :) haha Who knew that someone would actually just want to be with there husband for a while and be able to do whatever you want whenever you want... And also in my case... I AM GOING TO SCHOOL-----Excuse me please while I get a little bit of an education... :) hhaha ;) Love ya girl!
enjoy...enjoy...enjoy IT!!!! You're totally right-kids will come later and you have plenty of time! We waited over three years and I don't regret it at all! (maybe we should've added a few more to that!ha ha). You could always respond, "Ha, when are you going to quit having kids?" That might catch them off guard and show them how personal any of those topics are!
Molly,
I think everyone expects us "mormon couples" To date for 2 months, engaged for 3, married for 2 before we announce to the world that we are pregnant.. Terry and I did the typical "mormaon" think, except getting sealed in the temple right off, can you imagine that comments we got from that, she must be prego, they had sex, Actually its no one's business why we did and we did it for us no one else, so when we felt the need to get pregnant when we had been married for only 6 months we knew that it was quick but that we would be sealed by the time he came. We love him and are so happy that he is in our lifes, but thinking back on it we would have loved a couple more years to ourselves, don't get me wrong we LOVE Titan but I am jealous of the time that you and Jake get to be just you two! Don't let people get you down, your lucky and you'll be so happy once you have kids to look back on those happy years that you had with Jake.. People are already asking us when we are going to have another one! Hello he's only 11 months, we weren't even plannig on having one for a couple years after we got married but someone wanted us to..
Sorry I totally just rambled but.. You and lucky and you won't get the time of just you and your husband back for years after you have kids, so enjoy being a aunt! getting the high as a kite with sugar and send them home and you can sleep in!
Heather
Molly~ You know that you are sooooo right! It is nobody's business, its your life, and you guys are still sooo young. (not as young as me haha) I LOVE my girls to death, I can't imagine life without them. But I would do anything to go back and just have time for me and Koby. Our first year we struggled, because I was pregnant right away, I was grouchy, and then we had a baby who didn't sleep. It really tested our marriage, and I know that if we would of had some time together alone first, it would have been a lot easier. Thankfully now our marriage is strong enough to deal with all of lifes stress and two little girls, but I would do anything to just go back and have ONE year alone with Koby. But I dont have any regrets, we are so happy and love our girls. And when it is time for you guys to have kids you will know it, and that is all your decision and know one elses!
All I have to say is AMEN sister!!! I should copy this same post and post it on my blog. Don't worry I won't. You nailed it right on the head. Except I'm almost at the point where when somebody asks me "when are you guys going to have kids?" I want to say, "well actually we've been trying for 2 years soo thanks for brining it up again" and walk off. haha how awkward would that make them feel!? Awesome. Except I dont have the guts to ever do that. Anyway we just have to learn to ignore people. Because it's never going to end, even after you have a baby people are going to ask, "so when are you having another one?" So I think it's something we unfortunitly have to get use to. Anyway I love you and miss you :)
When Kenton and I found out we were pregnant, he was a little bummed because in less than a year, he didn't have me all to himself anymore. And its true now. Let god take care of the timing and enjoy being married. After all, you got married for a reason, and it wasn't just to have kids. Plus, practice makes perfect right? ;);)
Well said, I appreciated this much. I fell in love with Jon, and wanted to marry HIM. Not the potential seed he could plant in me. Yes, Kids what a wonderful awesome thing that will be. But I will be a mom for the rest of my life. And when you look back in ten or fifteen years what is a couple years waiting gonna be? Your son/daughter is 7 instead of 10? Darn. NOTHING. Let me be with my bud and just be US. Now leave us and our time together alone. PEACE. Go have another kid. Love ya.
You're my hero.
having kids is amazing but no one tells you how much your life changes, and there is no going back! so definitely enjoy every minute of having Jake to yourself. I'm so glad Devon and I got over 4 years to ourselves but sometimes it seems like even that wasn't enough. I think sometimes people expect you to want to have kids right away, but don't let anyone persuade your decision... and I know you wont. You and Jake will make beautiful babies, when the time is right for YOU!
LOVES GIRL!
so you are saying it's going to be soon? that's so awesome I can't wait!
Callie wants you to wait too.
kodi
Molly I totally agree with you! I can't tell you how much we have heard that question, especially with us being married for 3 1/2 years now. Sometimes I just want to tell them, thanks for bringing it up, but we can't have kids! just to throw it in their face. but i do try to be nice.
I found that joking back with them helps out a bit, like saying, yeah maybe I should get working on that. I honestly have loved having Joe all to myself for this long. I can't imagine going back and doing it different, especially since I was in school. We needed this time to figure each other out, as I'm sure you feel the same with Jake. Unfortunately I think its just the lovely mormon culture, but just do what you can to ignore it and enjoy your time with Jake! Do it all in your own time :)
3 years here...and I'm thinking of 3 -4 years between #2and 3. Nothing wrong with it...don't care what people say...I HAVE TO STAY SANE!!!
AMEN!! Russ and I got TONS of crap because it was 3 years for us befor we had Riley. Now that we have 3 kids I look back on that time and I am SO glad we had that time just us. It's nobody's business. I'm sorry you get "crap" about it. Just tell them you are in primary every week--they will understand then:)
molly, when are guys going to have kids? i was just wondering.... :)
when people ask me, i imagine myself punching them in the face. it helps.
muah.
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